Top 2008

Crash Test(ed) Dummies

There´s an exposition in Lisbon where there are accidentally originated damaged cars displayed inside road roundabouts exactly in one of the most traffic zones in the city, is this supposed to be amusing? or stimulating people who drive by and see those cars to have an accident in seconds time as well and be themselves a "work of art" to that exhibition?

Today i´ve saw a hospital right near to a funerary agency,does this motivate the doctors there? i mean, its like a goddam human lifetime cycle factory they have going on there, give birth, be sick, dye and package body, over and over

Miscellaneous post #8

Stammerers don't only have reasons to be disappointed with themselves, they can multiply their echoing in mountain tops as many times as they want without even noticing.

What´s the deal with stand up comedians saying "what´s the deal with..?", were they brokers or stock financial market addicts in their past reincarnation?

Cantine cooks are the only type of employees who can eat their own work.

Pre-Historic Graffiti

Graffiti paintings nowadays are mainly considered vandalism, but i wonder, back in the pre-historic times, did they actually have someone to rub out the primitive paintings on the rocks?I mean, did they had like, some major supreme identity to weep out all the main and only artistic hobbie?
And graffiti nowadays are done by people who claim "their from the streets", and this makes me wonder where were the Australopithecus were from...
I´ll leave that to paleoanthropology.

Electric Eel

Who´s the only animal with autism (emotionless animal) able to get away with pic up lines towards females?
The male glow-worm, with: "Your ass is briliant!" :D

What does a female dog says to a vicious horny drulling male dog? Do you have rabies or are you just happy to see me?

Glow worms generate light, eels make electricity, could a mix up between these two cause a shortcircuit?Maybe stars are their babies :D

(Ar)rest on laurels

Drumming is the most counter-productive activity out there, you're sitting on a chair supposedly relaxing albeit squandering your rest at the same time. And what can one do after being tired of drumming so much? Rest right? By doing what? sitting on a chair! There you go! It´s an viced and cycled energy expenditure activity.

When running I like to hear the most funniest stand up comedy CD whatsoever, hence It makes me want to piss myself laughing throughout of it all, making me have extra reasons to keep on running to reach the toilet.

Graveyard Parties

Why do people say: "she´s gone, but she´s in a much better place now" when someone dies?If that would be true, subway drivers and miners would be delighted with their work.

What does a comedian cannibal say to another one after eating a whole group of 4 people wo were doing a safari ride?
" I think i´m gonna throw parties"

Am i the only one or Bryan Adam´s "Summer of 69" song was a tribute to a wild sex marathon season in his life?

The Question is, if onions were jewish people could they put Hitler to Cry?

Miscellaneous post #7

You never can be too late for a running exercise, because, normally, the moment you´re late to something, you tend to run for it, in this case, when you do this you´re already doing what you were late for.

Baker is the only profession where workers apparently seem to have two professions according to where they´re at. If they´re indoors baking they´re bakers, but outdoors, all dressed up in white like that they seem like belonging to some religious cult.

Ipso Facto

People´s intrinsic actions are the best" publicity" to other people, if more than 2 people are staring at a laptop in a store, more people will arrive and stare at it, if someone yawns, other people tend to yawn too, if people think some train is about to leave the station, people will run for it, and if only one person does that, a bunch of new people are about to follow this"imaginary subway train"as well.

Vegan Post

My carnivorous plant died, it made a drastic life change and decided to become a vegetarian, needless to say that no one warned her about automatically becoming cannibalistic too.

Hitler was a vegetarian, who would have known irrationality was the key for jews to be treated nicely.

Miscellaneous post #6

Ever wonder if much of nature´s natural disasters could be explain by the "hands of god"? for instance:
Thunderstorm: God´s taking us pictures using his flash on the camera, and 10 seconds later wets himself of laughter at us thus, this explains the rain after the thunder.
Earthquake:God pulls huge lever when he fells a bit bored and has the need to sake things up a bit, just for the fun of it :)

Miscellaneous post #5

• Ever wonder yourself why there are seats in the last subway stations of a line?i mean, why does anyone have to seat there?Do i need to wait for the subway train that leads to the station itself?

• Aint it funny to see people gesticulate what they want to say to people that they know they´re far away and can´t hear them and yet, they kinda whisper what they want to say anyway? :P

• What´s wrong with markets these days and their egos, why is a market called a supermarket? Does he need a super hero reputation to keep him ego-ed up?

Ever wondered if that bouncy ball in the karaoke songs could be a dot looking for his "i" letter?

Time Out

"Time" is the most massacred word of them all, so it seems,check it out:

• Time is beaten constantly , if time was a human in school it would be the geeky boy who was always bullied for his lunch money --> e.g."i´ll try to beat that time".

• Time can be as well a junkie or so, as it seems there is always "waisted time.

• Apparently time is morbid as well coz there´s plenty of "dead time" around.

• Time can be a stressed out business man too since there is "time-lapse".

Sex Matter(s)

Ejaculation can reach a speed of 50 Km/h, the same speed as a gun can kill a person.
It´s incredible how the human race can create 2 different ways to start/finish a life at the same speed

It takes 10 seconds for an erection to be acomplished, about the same time for a human to overcome a 100 mt race. They say that if you wish hard enough for something, it can happen, too bad this only applies for the first one.

No Pain, No Game

It´s curious to notice that the best sensations can come from reliefs, physical or physiological,
To be more specific I can exemplify this with thigh shoes for instance, when we use tight shoes for a whole day, in the end of it we feel oh so very well when taking them off isn’t it?
At a physiological level , there´s the pregnancy test factor, once you dont know if you got your woman pregnant with a new born child thats not in the plans , we tend to feel a huge relieve when this pregnancy test goes negative.
So then, why not we all go to the street wearing snickers 2 numbers bellow our real ones? Why not overload our bladders during a whole day like a huge pot of beer?
Why not stay famished all day forcing our stomachs to snore making people think we farted ourselves?
In a more extreme way, why not joining all these inconvenient and undesirable factors all together?
Imagine yourself travelling to work in the morning in a monocycle trough a rope with tight shoes, famished and with an overloaded bladder? I bet you´ll feel in heaven in the end of the day ma lad ;)

Miscellaneous post #5

If a person is afraid of the dark but then again afraid of his shadow how would she deal with himself? -->

Arent dreams related to Subway rides?
in both of them we travel still, not having consciousness where we are exactly, in "deep"space and time passes by like a flash!

In shivery terms, kissing a ladies hand nowadays is considered charming.
Kissing a ladies hand in a cannibalistic civilization in the other hand would loose its shivery aspect since it would be considered an appetizer.

Miscellaneous post #4

What are Rappers but a reincarnation of magicians with arthritis.

Almost every single one of us had an imaginary friend when growing up, but in the meantime, some of them grew up and others exceeded their limits and turn themselves mimes.

I’ve saw a homeless person asking for change in from of a garbage bin, they might be hobos but they sure do have some nerve to ask us money to be welcome in their home

In a cannibal culture, kissing a woman in the hand would not be considered a sign of shivery but tasting the evening´s dinner.

Recycling "Matter"

If the common saying "you are what you eat" is right, how come flies are still bearable?

Trough Science it is now possible to have a see-through frog, so I question myself, if one of these frogs drank lava lamp wouldn’t it became the lava lamp?

If snakes could eat themselves wouldn’t dogs be jealous?

Can a Jungle made of Origami Trees be an output of a Recycling Process?

Best Songs 2007

1º Battles-Atlas
2º Arctic Monkeys-Fluroscent Adolescent
3º Justice-D.A.N.C.E.
4º M.I.A.-Paper Planes
5º The Go!team-Titanic Vandalism
6º Los Campesinos!-You! Me! Dancing!
7º The Wombats-Kill the Director
8º Radiohead-Videotape
9º LcD soundsystem-All my friends
10º The Wombats-Let´s Dance to Joy Division
11º The Go!team-Fake Id
12º The Pigeon Detectives-Take her back
13º The Teenagers-Homecoming
14º Arctic Monkeys-Brianstorm
15º Editors-Smokers outside the hospital doors
16º Arcade Fire-Windowsill
17º Radiohead-15 Step
18º Radiohead-All i Need
19º Foals-Hummer
20º Arctic Monkeys-D is for Dangerous
21º Jens Lekman-Kanske Är Jag Kär i Dig
22º Ra Ra Riot-The New Flesh
23º Ghost Frequency-Money on the Fire
24º Slow Club-summer shakedown
25º Sigur Ros-Von
26º Kate Nash-We get on
27º Arctic Monkeys-Teddy Picker
30º LcD soundsystem-someone great
31º Girl Talk-Smash your head
32º Ra Ra Riot- A Manner to act
33º Rilo Kiley-Silver Lining
34º Lily Allen-Heart of Glass
36º Maccabees-Latchemere
37º Klaxons-As Above so Bellow
38º Ra Ra Riot-Each Year
39º Blood Red Shoes-Its Getting Boring By The Sea
40º Of Montreal-A Sentence Of Sorts In Kongsvinger
41º Panda Bear-Take Pills
42º Bonde do Role-Office Boy
43º The Coathangers-Parking lot
44º Digitalism-Pogo
45º Emmy the Great-Canopies and Grapes

Best of 2007

Presenting...the nonsene caracthers!

(a)cross words

If the word "anagram" was a relationship some syllables had to break up because the first two syllables were the only ones that stayed true to its whole meaning. =D

I dont understand people´s need to refresh some websites

Hurrayyy Morse Code!

-- --- .-. ... . | -.-. --- -.. . | .-. . .- .-.. .-.. -.-- | ... ..- -.-. -.- ... | -.. --- . ... -. - | .. - |


A .- B -... C -.-. D -.. E . F ..-. G --. H .... I .. J .--- K -.- L .-.. M -- N -. O --- P .--. Q --.- R .-. S ... T - U ..- V ...- W .-- X -..- Y -.-- Z --..

batteries not included

One of these days i saw an ad for a hearing amplifier device that could put you hearing a coin falling 10mt away. I think superman is going to be pretty pissed off when he knows superpower can be purchased for 4.99€

So Fresh and So Clean

Once and againt we all recieve some pamphlets about some promotions or something else and there´s always someone who doesnt mind and throws them away.Question is, if some pamphlet would advertise ecological matters like not polluting the streets would those people do the same thing?

The True History About The Word Picnic

Принимаем заявки на

Wearing your jacket inside the house is like beeing stuck on an airport waiting for your delayed flight, you never know when you´re going to leave.

Dancing to Electro pop like a robot from 1984!

In some parts of the world, especially in India and Pakistan, there is a typical attraction which goes by the name of snake charming, which basically can be described by a stunt where a snake responds (in sort of a dance) to tunes played from a flute by a snake charmer.
Well, seems now that in this modern age snakes are being charmed by other sorts of meanings, 80´s video game music to be more precise! And look! They´ve gone all electro pop dancers now!

Colorblind Anaglyph

How are colorblind people suppose to see in 3d vision? If they can’t distinguish certain colors how do they deal with 3D glasses? I guess those glasses are their solution since they’re unable to distinguish, getting them all mixed up with 2colors might solve them their problem: P

Painted By Numbers

“80´s life” is definitely the ultimate ambivalent expression. Not only it can mean the way of life in the 80´s decade but also to express disregard and hatred towards a Guy (80´s life=hate is life).

One Pukes Over the Cuckoo's Nest

In my view, the perfect gift for mothers day would be a cut in the monthly allowance, either you want it your not you’re spending her money as her son/daughter: P

Don’t you think 2year old kids should be grounded not to remember mother’s day? I do! :P

Don’t you just hate when you’re waiting for the right moment to give your mom her mother’s day gift and the news on TV are constantly reminding everyone its mother’s day? It’s like the ultimate anti ice breaker.

Subdeveloped Post

How are people in tribes turned on if they’re all naked? Do they get turned on if someone puts on clothes?

la technique de mimique c´est fantastique

Imagine an unemployed mime, making an effort to get a proper job he might stumble onto some inconveniences when searching, for instance, he couldn’t be a:
Lawyer:-Reason: Court wouldn’t find enough dictionary card notes for him to expose his defendence.
Construction Worker:-Reason: Buildings are not made of air
Magician:-Reason: altough they have white gloves too, you can’t make disappear what doesn’t already exist

If a mime sleepwalks is he still on his “job” duty?

What if a mime is claustrophobic? How can he get out of his glass box? Traps himself in a real one?

Once upon a time there was this poem that didn’t rhyme and although it actually do,
it slowly started to describe his feelings about you
The poem then took shape and eventually grew like an earthquake
Then...all hell broke loose, grammatical spells! Millions to choose!
Coz the purpose of it all was for Cutchie and that’s all ^^

Between Love and Hate

Love wise, I tend to compare love/hate relationships to human/toilet relation, I mean either you find the toilet disgusting when for its rights purposes or absolutely useful and true "friend" when you have to throw up :P

What’s the difference between a ninja and a:

Gothic: even tough they dress in black gothic people know how to grab attention

Mime: Mimes have zebra camouflages and can be seen unless they construct an imaginary cell

Security Guard: Although both dressed in black these are ninja’s victims and handicap ninjas are their victims

Death From Above

If a Person that died says on his will that all his money should be buried with him can we say that money can be planted?
If so, not only land can be valued but also the underground, I´m sure moles would find themselves ways of getting some glasses


What is Bungee Jumping but suicide attempts not taken seriously

Best Argument

I’m sure all of you heard of the Oscar category named” best argument”, well, here’s a list of some possible nominations,since its best argument, boxing duels are not allowed of course:

John says:” you and me Alex. outside! immediately, otherwise ill break your face here
Alex replies: “hey! Don’t push your luck mate!! or else…”
John questions himself: “Or else what?”
John answers enthusiastically: “or else……… youu …MIGHT WIN A TRIP TO CANCUN WITH BREAKFAST REGIME INCLUDED!!! :D

Michael turns to Jim and says: “ hey…pass me that soda will ya?
Jim replies: “ ahah, go get it yourself you lazy bastard! “
Michael strikes: “ hoy! You’re getting on my nerves you twat!”
Jim brilliantly raps it off: “really? And to think that you were not a drug addict :P”

David says: “ i´m really tired of studying for this exam, I guess im taking a break now”
Sarah mocks: “ahah,,you´re such a pussy, cant handle a stupid exam”
David reposts: “leave me alone, im loosing my edge here!”
Sarah finishes off: “ better take the plane the next time then :P “

Super Heros true identity

Darth Vader(Star Wars)
Asmatic mid aged geek that finds himself confident when dressed inblack

Snarf (Thundercats)
Drug addict, Rehab frequenter who’s trapped in an adorable looking cat figure. Long bearded dwarfs don’t fool me!


Bumblebee (Transformers)
Unemployed taxi that was unable to sort out a proper taxi driver due to his “metamorphic” problems .

Optimus Prime( Transformers)
Narcissistic transformer with self esteem problems that in the TRA (transformer robots anonymous) reunion was told he wasn’t able to transform into nothing but a truck

He-Man (He-Man and the masters of the universe)
Self Confessed Homosexual who obviously is afraid to come out of the closet and reclaims he’s ”the master of the universe”, I Reckon that universe must be Broadway or something, that haircut has to have some purpose.

Miscellaneous-part 3

I wanted to give old clothes to charity once, but what if a new fashion trend arrives and i got nowhere to turn? :P

Sluts are like cab drivers.. they wait for us, we are kindly invited to "penetrate" them and they might take us to places that we never been before

I wonder if a Hunger Strike in favor of the the Anorexic People´s rights would be taken seriously.

Sacré Bleu

What would a policeman say to a burglar mime who was robbing a bank?
"you have the right to remain still, every re-enactment of any weapon or rope should be used against you in death sentence if necessary”

Publicity Stunt

Imagine a funeral shop with a massive financial crisis in hand and lack of demand, in extreme situations like this It would be favorable to the shop to be Advertised trough a huge sparkling neon sign saying something like “Die Here!!!” for example, therefore it would get the drivers attentions on the road, causing accidents and more “clients” to the store itself: P

Time Honoured Tradition

Ever wondered what artists are on about when receiving awards on some ceremony? "I would like to thank the people from my record label… they know who they are". What da?!??! Well, I was studying this and came out with some conclusions for the reasons to this sentence:

a) The people they’re thanking had existential crisis and are now on a good conditional stage
b) Not only they’re thanking them for the support but also for not having any more existential crisis coz if they had it, the artist by now could have been a fisherman and not a musician
c) The artist wanted to make a statement to prove the record company is not run by babies and were already informed of their names by their mothers.

Which might be the correct reason? If you went for b) congratulations! You might wanna thank me now, and say to me that I know who I am : P

Perfect Thefts #1

Some person going to the supermarket, shopping for markers, takes them out of their package to see its color (by writing in the same package) and not taking the product.

Post It

Mushi-Mushi

Ever wonder why china has so much population? And what about when cartoon characters dig holes and end up in the other part of the world which, for reasons unknown, is always in China? No wonder you find these specimens out on the streets there then-->

Not tested in humans

If all the existing moles were claustrophobic there would be earthquakes spread all over the world

Even if a baby glow worm was afraid of the dark there would be plenty of presence lights to back him up

Best Songs2006

1º Lily Allen - LDN
2º Klaxons-Atlantis to interzone
3º CSS-Superafim
4º The Pipettes - Pull Shapes
5º The Strokes-Razorblade
6º Be Your Own Pet- Adventure.
7º The Automatic -Monster
8º Artic Monkeys-A Certain Romance
9º Test icicles - catch it
10º Artic Monkeys- Fake Tales of San Francisco
11º CSS- Let's make love and listen death from above
12º Lily Allen-smile
13º Jamie T-Sheila
14º CSS-Bezzi
15º Be Your Own Pet- Girls On TV
16º The Kooks - she moves in her own way
17º Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - The Skin Of My Yellow Country Teeth
18º The Strokes-You Only Live Once
19º Get Cape.Wear Cape.Fly.-Call Me Ishmael
20º The Gossip - Listen Up!
21º The Longcut- A Tried And Tested Method
22º The Guillemots-Made Up Love Song #43
23º The Gossip - Standing In The Way Of Control
24º Lily Allen-Not Big
25º Cat Power-TheGreatest
26º The Long Blondes-once and never again
27º Scissor Sisters - I Don't Feel Like Dancing
28º The Sounds-24 Hours
29º Lady Sovereign - Random
30º Regina Spektor-Fidelity
31º The Fratellis-Chelsea Dagger
32º The Long Blondes-Seperated By Motorways
33º Albert Hammond junior - back to the 101
34º The Longcut-Spires
35º Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - In This Home On Ice
36º The Rakes- Work, Work, Work (Pub, Club, Sleep)
37º The Killers - Read my mind
38º The Sunshine Underground - Put You In Your Place
39º The Rakes - 22 Grand Job
40º Klaxons- Gravity´s rainbow

00/00/00 -->worldwide holiday(beginning of the world)

A good way for a couple to save some money with their son´s presents is to calculate the exact time to procreate for the baby to be born in the Christmas day, therefore he would only deserve one gift and make the couple spendings way more cheap! :D

The Elixir of youth is to be born in the 29th of February! Therefore you only age after 4 years pass by! :P

Emo´s Cook Book

To all the emos out there,
Throw yer wrists in the air,
Cut them like you just dont care

Best in Music 2006

Make Tea Not Love

I’ve Finally Figured out the solution to stop the war, every nation should be only armed with champagne bottles, not only the soldiers would have a single shot but they would get to drunk until they could “reload” their ammunition.

sigh hail!

If I asked you what similarities exist between dictators and retards you probably would say all of them, but in my view there’s a major one, these are only the 2 groups of people whom people agree with in all of their view points just to give them satisfaction

The Gap!(between the rich and the poor)

In this great era of major advance in all sorts of developments how come homeless people haven’t fixed an autopilot to do their begging for change “work”?

Contradition -part1-

If there´s one person that loves others coz they´re the best in something (like the most clever, the most smart) how could that person deal with the most hateful guy?

Give me a hand will ya

How does a teenage leper figures out his medical state?
“here’s my arm dad, go measure my blood pressure will ya”

Father´s Day v.2.1®

I had an idea for a business concept...
instead of all that burocratic process which consists of a child making a customized and personalized loving care present to his daddy on father’s day why not establishing a factory called "personalized programmed tender gifts for dads"! :D a lot of work saved there ;)

___#%_#22::::#

Who came first, the egg or the chicken? Well, that´s easy, the chicken off course, everybody knows eggs can´t have an orgasm.

Voodoo Yawning

I’ve finally figured out the reason we humans open our mouths lazily when we’re sleepy which in a more technical manner can be called “to yawn”.
We’ll, to some people god all mighty has control of us in various manners., kinda like a huge magician performing voodoo on our lifes. So, when some of us got tired of pranging out all day long chatin´ shit from their bin mouths god puts his foot on his bin with that little pedal therefore making those people’s mouth open just like those litter bins therefore yawning can be considered voodoo! :P

E=TV^(air)

It’s amazing how the TV world comes to contest the laws of physics, from the moment we enter in a TV studio that’s broadcasting live, we’re immediately on the air, and I’m still the one to bother buying plane tickets(clap clap,lame laugh)

Déjà vu

I checked out the translation for this universal expression and came to the conclusion that it means something”already considered” but to me its nothing more than a re-run of an episode of our pseudo sitcom lifes.

When I encounter an Alzheimer patient having déjà vu´s then I can die happy :D

How do people complain about…

The boomerang they bought not turning back to the place they send it from?
The change they were given after they paid the fees at some highway’s tolls gate?
Shops not selling letter soups in the Arabic alphabet?
In Both of them cases it’s a risk you take when going forward with these actions and prey to god not to be born Muslim off course.

Shoppers Delight

I would pleasantly like to address here those tremendous loving care people that attend us at every small shop in the malls and their pseudo persuasive hospitality to the customer who, in the first place thought of buying something( before they’ve encountered these programmed cyborgs that is). And I mean those who we encounter by the minute we put one foot inside their shops ( its like the employees are immediately activated to annoy people trough infrared system as he hit some ray on the floor the minute we enter! ”hi there! how can I help you? We’ve got those shoes for your size, purple looks good on you, I’ve got this thing over here that’s matches exactly your style!” and this is the point where you go “ stooooop!!” (in your head off course,coz if you shout out loud people would either think that you insane or a tremendous spice girls fan)
It’s like they’re our mothers asking us those tremendously irritating questions as we prepare ourselves for a date.
Off course customers could reply in an honest matter such as: how many I help you? You can shut up that pie whole of yours! But that would be hardly truthful, so a nice and honest “Fuck Off” would be pleasantly respectful to the manner.
And we can say that we’re only looking with no intentions of buying but I guess that the people who are reading this have a life so I reckon ill move on.
I Guess the perfect approach to this type of situation would be grabbing yourselves to some product and ask for in imaged orders, such as” do you have this Childs cap with a real rotor on top?” therefore you would fly away from there in style” yeah! =D

The Thing is, if zombies do exist, why are we the ones who the moles come out of the earth for to complain about all the noise?:P

Thought of the day: do the vans that carry the dead have radios?