Contradition -part1-

If there´s one person that loves others coz they´re the best in something (like the most clever, the most smart) how could that person deal with the most hateful guy?

Give me a hand will ya

How does a teenage leper figures out his medical state?
“here’s my arm dad, go measure my blood pressure will ya”

Father´s Day v.2.1®

I had an idea for a business concept...
instead of all that burocratic process which consists of a child making a customized and personalized loving care present to his daddy on father’s day why not establishing a factory called "personalized programmed tender gifts for dads"! :D a lot of work saved there ;)

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Who came first, the egg or the chicken? Well, that´s easy, the chicken off course, everybody knows eggs can´t have an orgasm.

Voodoo Yawning

I’ve finally figured out the reason we humans open our mouths lazily when we’re sleepy which in a more technical manner can be called “to yawn”.
We’ll, to some people god all mighty has control of us in various manners., kinda like a huge magician performing voodoo on our lifes. So, when some of us got tired of pranging out all day long chatin´ shit from their bin mouths god puts his foot on his bin with that little pedal therefore making those people’s mouth open just like those litter bins therefore yawning can be considered voodoo! :P

E=TV^(air)

It’s amazing how the TV world comes to contest the laws of physics, from the moment we enter in a TV studio that’s broadcasting live, we’re immediately on the air, and I’m still the one to bother buying plane tickets(clap clap,lame laugh)

Déjà vu

I checked out the translation for this universal expression and came to the conclusion that it means something”already considered” but to me its nothing more than a re-run of an episode of our pseudo sitcom lifes.

When I encounter an Alzheimer patient having déjà vu´s then I can die happy :D

How do people complain about…

The boomerang they bought not turning back to the place they send it from?
The change they were given after they paid the fees at some highway’s tolls gate?
Shops not selling letter soups in the Arabic alphabet?
In Both of them cases it’s a risk you take when going forward with these actions and prey to god not to be born Muslim off course.

Shoppers Delight

I would pleasantly like to address here those tremendous loving care people that attend us at every small shop in the malls and their pseudo persuasive hospitality to the customer who, in the first place thought of buying something( before they’ve encountered these programmed cyborgs that is). And I mean those who we encounter by the minute we put one foot inside their shops ( its like the employees are immediately activated to annoy people trough infrared system as he hit some ray on the floor the minute we enter! ”hi there! how can I help you? We’ve got those shoes for your size, purple looks good on you, I’ve got this thing over here that’s matches exactly your style!” and this is the point where you go “ stooooop!!” (in your head off course,coz if you shout out loud people would either think that you insane or a tremendous spice girls fan)
It’s like they’re our mothers asking us those tremendously irritating questions as we prepare ourselves for a date.
Off course customers could reply in an honest matter such as: how many I help you? You can shut up that pie whole of yours! But that would be hardly truthful, so a nice and honest “Fuck Off” would be pleasantly respectful to the manner.
And we can say that we’re only looking with no intentions of buying but I guess that the people who are reading this have a life so I reckon ill move on.
I Guess the perfect approach to this type of situation would be grabbing yourselves to some product and ask for in imaged orders, such as” do you have this Childs cap with a real rotor on top?” therefore you would fly away from there in style” yeah! =D

The Thing is, if zombies do exist, why are we the ones who the moles come out of the earth for to complain about all the noise?:P

Thought of the day: do the vans that carry the dead have radios?

muahaha!

Some people live by the rule “live your life like it was your last day”, well that for me just doesn’t make any sense… according to my “things to do before I die” list i don’t want to take over the world everyday, it would become too boring :P

I’ve seen some bachelor parties and one thing that’s kinda boring and predictable are those customs in which the strippers (male or female ) choose to arouse the future groom/bride. Well, to spark some enlightening to future parties ill display some ideas that might come in useful for you stripers, here’s a list of the customs in which you could dress to set the party on fire :D (And im not in any way referring to the old fire fighter custom, that’s too dated)

Astronaut: how sexy is that Hein? not only the stripper would take a million years to take off the entire custom but he could suffocate if not managing to take out the helmet on time.
Scuba Diver: fashionably dressed in one of those very practical helmets off course
Nuclear Plant security staffs man: Would not sell in Hiroshima and Nagasaki
Medieval Warrior: quite a turn on init?

C sick

A person who got overloaded eating all the c´s from an alphabet soup is C sick!hey!:P

Over Excitment

What are suicidal people but curious, anatomy lovers people that got over excited discovering the limits of their bodies:P

Underrated Facts

Breath: Ever noticed that people only complain about someone’s bad breath? Good breath is so underrated its unfair: P a person can have her mouth smelling like roses and nevertheless its not an asset :P

Why is it 1 in the morning after midnight if at midnight there´s still another half of the night to go?:P

Let Dogs Play Poker Instead

In Portugal there’s a common expression which the Portuguese have been used to these past couple of years when the country is referred which goes by “Portugal, the tail of Europe!”, well in fact its very despising because not only we compare the word tail mainly to dogs and as we know these little animals shake their tails when they’re happy so its kinda ironic to think that Europe, that giant “dog” is happy while Portugal is constantly shaken and not for good reasons. But the thing is, that to me It kinda resembles me the idea of a dog with a desire to scratch himself in the tail and he cant because he cannot reach there by himself, kinda like if he’s infected with germs in the lower area and he has Edward Scissor hands or so :P
Another fact considering the tail subject is that certain animals like dogs have dumb fun chasing they’re own tails like mad, well, in this situation the analogy that I made back there does not apply hence, Europe that “huge furry beast” does not bother to chase such insignificant things. Perhaps such animal like this does not comply with his tail and cannot reach it or he sees it like a mere prop to is tired body and life ahead...oh well...Let Dogs play poker instead.

Mirror Siblings

I bet that a person with low self esteem for her looks would kill his twin brother.

A twin brother can be used like a guinea pig to some experiments, kinda like a mine defusing programmed robot car that deactivates potential dangers.

Statues Have Feelings Too

There’s an outdoor citizen exposition in Portugal called cow parade which consists of painted cow sculptures exhibited throughout the city of Lisbon. The thing is…if some of the human race gets offended if animals get painted all over due to disrespect for animal rights, do statues get offend with such atrocity as well? :P

Love,Love,Love, this isnt it!

Why do people guarantee to each other that they are going to love the other person until he/she dyes? Does that mean that he she’s going to betray her in the afterlife?

Sarcastic Compliments:
“You’re my favorite girlfriend!”
“You may sure are one hell of a slut, but you’re the sweetest slut in the whole world!^^
“I’m never going to betray you because you are they only girlfriend that likes handcuffs”
“You’re definitely on top of the list of my favorite people, right above my enemies”
“From all the people that I felt like strangulating you’re my favorite!^^”