Not tested in humans

If all the existing moles were claustrophobic there would be earthquakes spread all over the world

Even if a baby glow worm was afraid of the dark there would be plenty of presence lights to back him up

Best Songs2006

1º Lily Allen - LDN
2º Klaxons-Atlantis to interzone
3º CSS-Superafim
4º The Pipettes - Pull Shapes
5º The Strokes-Razorblade
6º Be Your Own Pet- Adventure.
7º The Automatic -Monster
8º Artic Monkeys-A Certain Romance
9º Test icicles - catch it
10º Artic Monkeys- Fake Tales of San Francisco
11º CSS- Let's make love and listen death from above
12º Lily Allen-smile
13º Jamie T-Sheila
14º CSS-Bezzi
15º Be Your Own Pet- Girls On TV
16º The Kooks - she moves in her own way
17º Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - The Skin Of My Yellow Country Teeth
18º The Strokes-You Only Live Once
19º Get Cape.Wear Cape.Fly.-Call Me Ishmael
20º The Gossip - Listen Up!
21º The Longcut- A Tried And Tested Method
22º The Guillemots-Made Up Love Song #43
23º The Gossip - Standing In The Way Of Control
24º Lily Allen-Not Big
25º Cat Power-TheGreatest
26º The Long Blondes-once and never again
27º Scissor Sisters - I Don't Feel Like Dancing
28º The Sounds-24 Hours
29º Lady Sovereign - Random
30º Regina Spektor-Fidelity
31º The Fratellis-Chelsea Dagger
32º The Long Blondes-Seperated By Motorways
33º Albert Hammond junior - back to the 101
34º The Longcut-Spires
35º Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - In This Home On Ice
36º The Rakes- Work, Work, Work (Pub, Club, Sleep)
37º The Killers - Read my mind
38º The Sunshine Underground - Put You In Your Place
39º The Rakes - 22 Grand Job
40º Klaxons- Gravity´s rainbow

00/00/00 -->worldwide holiday(beginning of the world)

A good way for a couple to save some money with their son´s presents is to calculate the exact time to procreate for the baby to be born in the Christmas day, therefore he would only deserve one gift and make the couple spendings way more cheap! :D

The Elixir of youth is to be born in the 29th of February! Therefore you only age after 4 years pass by! :P

Emo´s Cook Book

To all the emos out there,
Throw yer wrists in the air,
Cut them like you just dont care

Best in Music 2006

Make Tea Not Love

I’ve Finally Figured out the solution to stop the war, every nation should be only armed with champagne bottles, not only the soldiers would have a single shot but they would get to drunk until they could “reload” their ammunition.

sigh hail!

If I asked you what similarities exist between dictators and retards you probably would say all of them, but in my view there’s a major one, these are only the 2 groups of people whom people agree with in all of their view points just to give them satisfaction

The Gap!(between the rich and the poor)

In this great era of major advance in all sorts of developments how come homeless people haven’t fixed an autopilot to do their begging for change “work”?

Contradition -part1-

If there´s one person that loves others coz they´re the best in something (like the most clever, the most smart) how could that person deal with the most hateful guy?

Give me a hand will ya

How does a teenage leper figures out his medical state?
“here’s my arm dad, go measure my blood pressure will ya”

Father´s Day v.2.1®

I had an idea for a business concept...
instead of all that burocratic process which consists of a child making a customized and personalized loving care present to his daddy on father’s day why not establishing a factory called "personalized programmed tender gifts for dads"! :D a lot of work saved there ;)

___#%_#22::::#

Who came first, the egg or the chicken? Well, that´s easy, the chicken off course, everybody knows eggs can´t have an orgasm.

Voodoo Yawning

I’ve finally figured out the reason we humans open our mouths lazily when we’re sleepy which in a more technical manner can be called “to yawn”.
We’ll, to some people god all mighty has control of us in various manners., kinda like a huge magician performing voodoo on our lifes. So, when some of us got tired of pranging out all day long chatin´ shit from their bin mouths god puts his foot on his bin with that little pedal therefore making those people’s mouth open just like those litter bins therefore yawning can be considered voodoo! :P

E=TV^(air)

It’s amazing how the TV world comes to contest the laws of physics, from the moment we enter in a TV studio that’s broadcasting live, we’re immediately on the air, and I’m still the one to bother buying plane tickets(clap clap,lame laugh)

Déjà vu

I checked out the translation for this universal expression and came to the conclusion that it means something”already considered” but to me its nothing more than a re-run of an episode of our pseudo sitcom lifes.

When I encounter an Alzheimer patient having déjà vu´s then I can die happy :D

How do people complain about…

The boomerang they bought not turning back to the place they send it from?
The change they were given after they paid the fees at some highway’s tolls gate?
Shops not selling letter soups in the Arabic alphabet?
In Both of them cases it’s a risk you take when going forward with these actions and prey to god not to be born Muslim off course.

Shoppers Delight

I would pleasantly like to address here those tremendous loving care people that attend us at every small shop in the malls and their pseudo persuasive hospitality to the customer who, in the first place thought of buying something( before they’ve encountered these programmed cyborgs that is). And I mean those who we encounter by the minute we put one foot inside their shops ( its like the employees are immediately activated to annoy people trough infrared system as he hit some ray on the floor the minute we enter! ”hi there! how can I help you? We’ve got those shoes for your size, purple looks good on you, I’ve got this thing over here that’s matches exactly your style!” and this is the point where you go “ stooooop!!” (in your head off course,coz if you shout out loud people would either think that you insane or a tremendous spice girls fan)
It’s like they’re our mothers asking us those tremendously irritating questions as we prepare ourselves for a date.
Off course customers could reply in an honest matter such as: how many I help you? You can shut up that pie whole of yours! But that would be hardly truthful, so a nice and honest “Fuck Off” would be pleasantly respectful to the manner.
And we can say that we’re only looking with no intentions of buying but I guess that the people who are reading this have a life so I reckon ill move on.
I Guess the perfect approach to this type of situation would be grabbing yourselves to some product and ask for in imaged orders, such as” do you have this Childs cap with a real rotor on top?” therefore you would fly away from there in style” yeah! =D

The Thing is, if zombies do exist, why are we the ones who the moles come out of the earth for to complain about all the noise?:P

Thought of the day: do the vans that carry the dead have radios?

muahaha!

Some people live by the rule “live your life like it was your last day”, well that for me just doesn’t make any sense… according to my “things to do before I die” list i don’t want to take over the world everyday, it would become too boring :P

I’ve seen some bachelor parties and one thing that’s kinda boring and predictable are those customs in which the strippers (male or female ) choose to arouse the future groom/bride. Well, to spark some enlightening to future parties ill display some ideas that might come in useful for you stripers, here’s a list of the customs in which you could dress to set the party on fire :D (And im not in any way referring to the old fire fighter custom, that’s too dated)

Astronaut: how sexy is that Hein? not only the stripper would take a million years to take off the entire custom but he could suffocate if not managing to take out the helmet on time.
Scuba Diver: fashionably dressed in one of those very practical helmets off course
Nuclear Plant security staffs man: Would not sell in Hiroshima and Nagasaki
Medieval Warrior: quite a turn on init?

C sick

A person who got overloaded eating all the c´s from an alphabet soup is C sick!hey!:P

Over Excitment

What are suicidal people but curious, anatomy lovers people that got over excited discovering the limits of their bodies:P

Underrated Facts

Breath: Ever noticed that people only complain about someone’s bad breath? Good breath is so underrated its unfair: P a person can have her mouth smelling like roses and nevertheless its not an asset :P

Why is it 1 in the morning after midnight if at midnight there´s still another half of the night to go?:P

Let Dogs Play Poker Instead

In Portugal there’s a common expression which the Portuguese have been used to these past couple of years when the country is referred which goes by “Portugal, the tail of Europe!”, well in fact its very despising because not only we compare the word tail mainly to dogs and as we know these little animals shake their tails when they’re happy so its kinda ironic to think that Europe, that giant “dog” is happy while Portugal is constantly shaken and not for good reasons. But the thing is, that to me It kinda resembles me the idea of a dog with a desire to scratch himself in the tail and he cant because he cannot reach there by himself, kinda like if he’s infected with germs in the lower area and he has Edward Scissor hands or so :P
Another fact considering the tail subject is that certain animals like dogs have dumb fun chasing they’re own tails like mad, well, in this situation the analogy that I made back there does not apply hence, Europe that “huge furry beast” does not bother to chase such insignificant things. Perhaps such animal like this does not comply with his tail and cannot reach it or he sees it like a mere prop to is tired body and life ahead...oh well...Let Dogs play poker instead.

Mirror Siblings

I bet that a person with low self esteem for her looks would kill his twin brother.

A twin brother can be used like a guinea pig to some experiments, kinda like a mine defusing programmed robot car that deactivates potential dangers.

Statues Have Feelings Too

There’s an outdoor citizen exposition in Portugal called cow parade which consists of painted cow sculptures exhibited throughout the city of Lisbon. The thing is…if some of the human race gets offended if animals get painted all over due to disrespect for animal rights, do statues get offend with such atrocity as well? :P

Love,Love,Love, this isnt it!

Why do people guarantee to each other that they are going to love the other person until he/she dyes? Does that mean that he she’s going to betray her in the afterlife?

Sarcastic Compliments:
“You’re my favorite girlfriend!”
“You may sure are one hell of a slut, but you’re the sweetest slut in the whole world!^^
“I’m never going to betray you because you are they only girlfriend that likes handcuffs”
“You’re definitely on top of the list of my favorite people, right above my enemies”
“From all the people that I felt like strangulating you’re my favorite!^^”

Weird Rituals

Far away from lucidity and proper awake ness each and then I’ve been noticing some peculiar habits that caught my attention, those will be mentioned here and I will try to give a proper explanation from the view point of those who practice them...Withouth further ado here we go..
 Foosball, the table game in each you control tinny little metallic football players and try to score goals. Loads of people hit the ball on the margin of the table before throwing it to the field, what’s with that? The ball is square shaped and not functional to play with?
 Shaking the tinny little packet of sugar that comes with the coffee, last time I checked I think the sugar wasn’t condensed or am I wrong? Maybe those packets weren’t used and fall from planes and then freeze in the meantime.
 Ripping up a paper before throwing it into the bin… well that’s the right thing to do really. Because the garbage paper hunters will definitely be pissed when encountering such situation, yesss of courseee.
 Smelling wine before drinking it , maybe the people who do this were cats in other incarnation and only drink what they think smells good who knows.

Suicidal Note xD

One of these days ill write a conscience suicidal note, it would be above me while I was sleeping and it would go something like this:
Mom, dad , I’m sick and tired of that what you call lucidity and awareness, that’s not for me, i´ve left to the 3rd sleep stage don’t wait for me I’m already on REM, None of the alarm-clocks are functional.
My mother would go like: I well got tired of telling him not to count sheep! Such a disgrace! Good God! :P

D-D-D-DJaying

A DJ that is a stammer always compromises things, both in his speech and in his DJ scratching he takes a while to finish off a something.

Those Sushi Bars

What is a sushi bar but a place where you can do lazy fishing by standing next to a circulating table waiting for the raw fish to show up.

An Aquarium is a fridge for sushi lovers.

Word Slaughter

"Curiosidade" deve ser a palavra mais chaçinada e que mais possuimos á face da terra:"vou matar a curiosidade" "tenho tanta curiosidade"

Lame Lingo

There’s a French band out there called Air, this is going to revolutionize our relationship with the air itself, we can only not just breath it but hear it as well.

It Would be funny to see someone do TV zapping trough channel tuning.

Some people like to “feel” the music they’re listening to, I jut restrain myself to touch the speakers while its playing.

Age and all that

The Speed of Vehicles can be measured by Km/H, the same as the drugs junkies consume can be measured by Grams/Day.

It’s Funny to notice that as we’re getting older we are more and more hiding our real age. In youth we show how old we are with the fingers on our hands, in adolescence we tell the our age without any problems and even lie about it to make us seem older, When we’re adults we “are old enough to not to play around” until we reach “middle age” crisis(without specifically tell our age to people) and then when we’re old we’re in “our 70´s,80´s 90´s” without being precise to tell people, and we’re “too old for this..” “too old for that..”

The Horror..ahahahaha

I´m O-ren Ishii!Sweet!


What movie Villan are you?Find out at:

bah!

It would be funny to see actors bragging about the Oscars they’re going to win when they’re actually acting for the movie

Going on an excursion can be compared to watching a movie where it shows a book being red to you, everything is being taken care of and you still get to “travel”.

When people enter a magazine store and start seeing a magazine in a different angle you know something is wrong. =D

As much new products arrive in 2nd hand stores they are never new.

A really big incompatibility would be a a junkie with a cold sniffing cocaine, its like a vacuum cleaner that got overload with garbage.

Miscellaneous(part II)

What are mummies but people who got over excited putting on a long scarf.

Singing in playback in a concert is like using cheat paper in an exam.

Why do people practice chocolate sculpture of its final purpose is to be shown and not to be eaten?

Depressed people only laugh when they´re brushing their teeth. : p

Why do we turn off the lights when we go to bed? If we’re with our eyes closed aren’t we suppose to see nothing already?


To me any interest in politics is useless; any interest apart from voting is too much. It’s like eating a soup we don’t like, we don’t want to know how and with was it made, we just want to eat up quickly to overcome its flavor

Why is it said that there are black and white TV’s? Are black and white so discriminated that they can even be considered colors?

Electrocution victims ease up the taxidermy process.

Gay people are they only ones that can have pleasure while seeing themselves in front of a mirror.=D

I’ve figured out the difference between women and men, they both love children, in the meantime the first ones end up being nannies and the others pedophiles.

It would be nice to see someone actually appearing to a drving exam in a car(driving that is)

Miscellaneous

Playing the drums is like having the right spasms with the right timing and tapping your foot on the right place to a song.

More and More I come to terms with the idea the fact that those birthday cake candles that never seem to blown out is not coz they’re made to do that but they’re a sign of some prophecy.

In Portugal its imposed to people to have certain ways of talking depending on the age of the person and the level of familiarity you have with them. So, If you are for example talking to an older person you have to restrain your speech to a certain level as a sign of respect ,the same case if your talking to a doctor or a professor. So. if you want to mistreat someone here you have to be careful to follow the linguistic grammar scale.

It would be funny to see a fish all dirty in his own habitat. =D

“Are you Sleeping?” must be the only question that can’t have a positive response.

What’s the question you should never ask a legless person in the middle of sea?
Do you have feet there? :x

When people repeat expressions either they are stammers or they are threatening something.

One thing that I find amusing are those people that are watching knowledge contests on TV and are think they know the answer to the questions for sure and are constantly calling all sorts of names to the contestants that don’t seem to know it. It’s like the 5 minutes of intellectual fame for the mere middle aged fat drunkyard sat around the television 24/7.

Today I’ve shaved my beard, I actually haven’t done that for so long that the tiny organisms living there woke from their hibernation period.

Ultimate Homeless Guide To Survival

An Homeless person’s life can be complety outrageous and shameful and that is that, but one thing is for sure there are some convenient and effective ways to ease up things and to overcome some of the needs managing this unfortunate struggle with life, but the problem is, some homeless people don’t realize how certain things can be arranged and if they do they don’t have the courage to do it by their own hands.. So homeless ladies and junkie gentleman...i present to you all the ultimate convenient guide to survival!
Ok lets see then, first of all my fellow junkie, you have to wonder around the trash cans to find some dirty old yummy eggs and some fish that was left uneaten (tasty) and pour them onto your bowl...lool, im just joking I don’t want to make this a recipe or something similar =D

Ok lets start, beginning with some simple steps to at least avoid my fellow junkie’s hunger belly noises to make people know you only fart from your ass and no more place whatsoever.

1º- Our fellow junkie friends are not that opportunists since there are loads of restaurants with outdoor tables , since these kind of services do exist and some rich folk always give a huge tip every now and then this is a major opportunities to profit , If I was a homeless person myself I would do the restaurant’s clean up task myself and get those shinny looking tips, everybody would profit from that, the waiters would already get some work done ahead and I would be spending the money on that shinny gold hip hop necklace where you could read “POOR4LIFE”.yeah!
2º-Cantines, and now you that are reading as anybody else might think, but in canteens you have to pay for your meals! Ok, its true but that’s not the point, The thing is, mainly in college canteens we often see some people don’t always eat everything they had planned for starters, soooo my dear homeless gentleman! Go for it! Run for your lifes! Yes and I might just mean that literally( who knows if some cases aren’t that extreme that some of you might turn cannibals and start eating each other :D its better to actually eat something than to start hallucinating thinking that your fellow homeless mate is a hamburger)
Its in these times that “wealthy” students who don’t mind wasting food take their part in solidarity actions since they are likely not to do it properly at all, they might think for themselves we posh/cocky people give a lot and contribute to their welfare they just just don’t look in the proper places (in this case, back at the canteen dumpster)
3º- Talking about Dumpsters, how about a little trip to your local one? You may find it useful somehow..eheh,ok we might not have to go that far. =)
4º- Supermarkets, the main capitalist place where all the shopping addicts find their idea for a great holiday time spending, to some it’s a pain in the ass, especially the husbands that are “commanded” by their wifes to go to the end of the corridor grabbing something they forgot before, someone must let them know that the slave age has ended long time ago. To others it can be a window of opportunities, and with this im talking about the homeless again off course.You see marketing plans may be seen as some flashy and enthusiastic away to grab the costumer’s attention, in supermarkets there are loads of these things, im talking about those publicity “stunts” companies put up on supermarkets where they give people samples of their products. So, with this been told I say: who said marketing strategies were persuasive and and annoying as fuck? These plans may be viewed as kindness and solidarity as well, those poor bastards just don’t notice that. So. Therefore I would give advise you to get all you can from these precious offer samples, try to make the best of it, kinda like an all you can eat buffet of free samples.