It´s good to be fat. It´s a generous and charitable thing to do, by the moment you have to dress XXL you have an entire wardrobe to donate to charity (you don't even have to mind about their size coz you know kids there are not greedy)
Fireball juggler is probably the most appealing job out there.There´s no other job in the world where with a 2 way benefit deepening on your work skill, if you´re good at it, it´s ok, you entertain crowds, if you´re bad at it and by any chances burn yourself, it´s your passport to house burglary without leaving fingerprint traces behind.
If there´s some person called "Well" out there in the world, how come is so eagerly requested by hospital patient´s visitors?
Have you ever wonder if there´s a correlation between doctors and bad hand writing? Here´s some possible explanations for this matter: -Doctors were once possessed by seismographs in some other life -They are actually spies and communicate with each other through secret subliminal messages written in the medicine recipes -They just like to draw sea waves in paper to mock patients
Humans have 2 ways of eating while they´re ageing: -In childhood, they eat with their eyes -When growing up, their conscience tells them what to eat
Always wander around with loads of change in your wallet, you never know if you get robbed by an ex shop or supermarket cashier.
What a better reciprocal waste saving formula than humans making babies to be born on mothers day? Gift purchasing is cut down on both parts of the equations by default,thus leaving everybody evenly happy!
If an ophthalmologist´s patient tunes out a TV to static TV rain in the waiting room of some clinic, does he deserve to be rewarded with free medical services after gaining more patients?
I´ve took english classes in a language teaching institution where the earthquake safeness tips instructions sign is totally written in english with specific terms explained through a glossary in english as well! I guess if my life was to be at risk there, it would definitely depend on my fast learning abilities in that course.
Taxi Drivers must be the luckiest workers in the world, they get a taxi ride home for free at the end of each day, not many people can say that. And if they forgot to deliver a customer, is this considered job homework?
Why do people tend to lift and wave their arms while riding a rollercoaster?Do they want to tell the world they don't suffer arm sweat? do they want highest taxidermy corpse they can get after they die there? are they trying to grab a cloud? do they think it´s a "look father, no hands" rollercoaster photo opportunity? have your say!
A church is like a hospital´s waiting room, in both of them people pray to god not to be sick ,to be healthy forever and hope not to suffer anything dangerous, the only difference between them is that, if faith followers are in a hospital´s waiting room, they´re a few church visits short.
Why do rock n´roll musicians always have to count to 1,2,3,4 before the beginning of each song?do they had a trauma counting numbers in their childhood?or do they do this because they feel the need to count the total numbers of members in their band to check if they can carry on? And some singers even repeat the first 2 numbers,something like: 1...2... 1,2,3,4! it´s like their warming up their motorcycle engine or something. Wouldn´t it be more practical and convenient to use complex names of diseases or so? Rhinosinusitis...Amebiasis... Rhinosinusitis!Amebiasis!Hypertrophic!Bronchiolitis!Mucormycosis! Pampammmm Parampam!
As far as the human race gain consciousness of its presence on earth a question rose all of the sudden, and that question is about life and what´s its meaning. Well, for starters, most of the humanity most be very lazy since they can find its meaning in every dictionary:
life(noun) 1.the condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally.
Nevertheless i´ll try to describe myself a plausible explanation for it, in every time aspect of it´s timelife evolution. First of all, on birth a female human squeezes a tiny human organism from it´s utter in organism, this can be some sort of canon test shooting technique to figure out the human accuracy on target. Then this tiny humanoid organism grows, and, somehow the purpose of it´s life as it grows is to get wet in water all the time, i´ll explain. By the moment that humans wake up all they want to do is to shower,thus wet themselves. During all year, humans work so as to have a reasonable amount of money to spent, and where do they spend this money? on vacations, and where to they vacate? in sunny places where there is a beach near, and for what purpose? to wet themselves.So humans live their life's to vacate in water. Kinda like pigs but more hygienic. And what does sleep stage means?Well i´ll try to show you with a cartoon:
Oh, and finally, regarding the canon test shooting technique to figure out the human accuracy on target I mention early, well that accuracy is well needed since when death arrives humans have to be buried, so, somebody has to have the strength and accuracy to basket them deep bellow. Therefore and to sum up everything, the meaning of life is a whole gigantic prolonged basketball shooting range test, where the "ball" trembles in between beach baths until it reaches his basket. voilá!
They´re are innumerous disorders which have plenty of good sides to them, here are a few examples:
Alzheimer: Con: Forgetting Stuff once and a while Pro: Remembering Stuff when you least expect, like some forgotten penny below the couch´s pillow = Unexpected imminent happiness, hurray!
Amnesia: Con:Forgetting EverythingPro:Trauma Removal = Don’t have to deal with those bad sexuality doubts in adolescence times or that time you got caught by your parents dancing naked around the house riding a broom, oh wait, did I said that out loud?
Stammering: Con:Speech disorder in which the flow of speech is disrupted by involuntary repetitionsPro:Great Dj beatboxing skills
Tourette Syndrome : Con:disorder with multiple vocal ticsPro:Great testosterone level mechanism since cursing may come out a lot (anger management therapy not included, evidently)
Narcolepsy: Con:Excessive Daytime SleepinessPro: Although soup doesn’t taste much better after you fell with your head in it, this sickness is the perfect excuse to annoying moment such as: you´re lover yelling at you for leaving the toilet seat up, your mom telling you to clean your room, reading this blog..but hey!dont go just yet ,there´s another post coming up :)
- There´s some news today regarding prison guards that were bribed to allow a prisioner´s wife to have sex with him in his cell.Well, I wonder what bad could happen to these guards themselves? go to jail? oh the horror...
1º Vampire Weekend - M79 2º Vampire Weekend -Oxford comma 3º Be Your Own PET- Becky 4º MGMT- Future Reflections 5º Late of the Pier-the bears are coming 6º Late of the Pier-random firl 7º MGMT- Of Moons, Birds & Monsters 8º Vampire Weekend -a-punk 9º Vampire Weekend - mansard roof 10º Vampire Weekend - cape cod kwassa kwassa 11º Late of the Pier-the enemy are the future 12º MGMT- Time to Pretend 13º Late of the Pier-heartbeat 14º Late of the Pier-focker 15º Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal 16º The Last Shadow Puppets - Meeting Place 17º Ladyhawke Back Of The Van 18º The Mae Shi - Run the your grave 19º Foals- Balloons 20º MGMT- Electric Feel 22º Blood Red Shoes - It's Getting Boring By The Sea 23º Those Dancing Days - Those Dancing Days 24º Chairlift - Bruises 25º Lykke Li- Breaking It Up 26º The Ting Tings-Great Dj 27º The Kills - Cheap And Cheerful 28º Estelle feat. Kanye West- American Boy 29º Hot Chip - Ready for the floor 30º Lykke Li- I'm Good, I'm Gone 31º Blood Red Shoes - You Bring Me Down 32º The Last Shadow Puppets - Standing Next to Me 33º Lykke Li-Little Bit 34º The Kills - U.R.A. Fever 35º Blood Red Shoes - This Is Not For You 36º Be Your Own PET- The Beast Within 37º Joe Lean and the jing jon jings - Lucio Starts Fires 38º She & Him - Change Is Hard 39º Rolo Tomassi - Scabs 40º The Ting Tings-Thats Not My Name 41º She & Him - You Really Gotta Hold On Me 42º She & Him - Why Do You Let Me Stay Here 43º Florence+The Machine - kiss with a fist 44º Santogold - I'm A Lady 45º Flight of the Conchords - Foux du Fafa 46º Flight of the Conchords-Ladies Of The World 47º Os Pontos Negros -Canção da Lili 48º Santogold - Lights Out 49º Alphabeat - Fascination 50º Yelle-Je veux te voir
There´s an exposition in Lisbon where there are accidentally originated damaged cars displayed inside road roundabouts exactly in one of the most traffic zones in the city, is this supposed to be amusing? or stimulating people who drive by and see those cars to have an accident in seconds time as well and be themselves a "work of art" to that exhibition?
Today i´ve saw a hospital right near to a funerary agency,does this motivate the doctors there? i mean, its like a goddam human lifetime cycle factory they have going on there, give birth, be sick, dye and package body, over and over
Stammerers don't only have reasons to be disappointed with themselves, they can multiply their echoing in mountain tops as many times as they want without even noticing.
What´s the deal with stand up comedians saying "what´s the deal with..?", were they brokers or stock financial market addicts in their past reincarnation?
Cantine cooks are the only type of employees who can eat their own work.
Graffiti paintings nowadays are mainly considered vandalism, but i wonder, back in the pre-historic times, did they actually have someone to rub out the primitive paintings on the rocks?I mean, did they had like, some major supreme identity to weep out all the main and only artistic hobbie? And graffiti nowadays are done by people who claim "their from the streets", and this makes me wonder where were the Australopithecus were from... I´ll leave that to paleoanthropology.
Who´s the only animal with autism (emotionless animal) able to get away with pic up lines towards females? The male glow-worm, with: "Your ass is briliant!" :D
What does a female dog says to a vicious horny drulling male dog? Do you have rabies or are you just happy to see me?
Glow worms generate light, eels make electricity, could a mix up between these two cause a shortcircuit?Maybe stars are their babies :D
Why do people say: "she´s gone, but she´s in a much better place now" when someone dies?If that would be true, subway drivers and miners would be delighted with their work.
What does a comedian cannibal say to another one after eating a whole group of 4 people wo were doing a safari ride? " I think i´m gonna throw parties"
